im done i don't want to be on earth anymore

Im done i try talk too my kids they don't listen they hell back always think they right they don't need my i been holding on for them but they don't need me im over living so  far away from family and medical help. I'm rotting need help but bush has none for huntingtons disease or ndis no support im done living in this nightmare something else broken car truck caravan batteries so we don't even have a fridge that works after generator's gets turned off. Im done living without my eldest son and the consequence him abandoning us and not looking back all us have to live without him and not talking to him because weren't not important to him all because his aunt nanna put ideas in head and wouldn't quit about moving im over the damage to my husband because of them all and their fucking ideas

I'm done he missed his sister 16th bday didn't ring were missing his 18th because he fucking lives 10hrs away don't have 1000 for fuel food he going miss my 40th birthday  because he can't afford to come we can't afford to go down. My 40th was supposed to be filled with all my kids my siblings and all my family the people i never see anymore

I'm going to kill myself before my 40th i can't think about spending the day with only 3 of my kids tim dad in lunch filled with food in the discussing mud dirt no where for my harry potter things because this season been so wet and we don't have tarp up only 2 gazebos filled with holes no way to spend time out there no wind protection nothing to keep elements off table area we should be at pub with all my kids all my family enjoying each other company food and my harry potter things we should be together like mum 40th. I can't believe my so never coming home and we are stuck out on the fucking qld bush with no support everytime something breaks we fix long time than something else break again the cycle won't fix than we have dad suck too because his bus doesn't go he can't fix or have money everything he needs money for to fix

I don't want to make it too my 40th bday so im going to kill myself within 2 weeks properly when kids are back at school so they don't see it

I can't live this live anymore everyday i think about killing myself i can't handle my head and heart anymore i failed my kids and my husband who going to struggle financially more without me i don't even think my kids with care or byron show  up for my funeral they will hurt but will live there lives fine