Trapped an alone

If feel like no one nos how i feel. How can they understand something i can explain. Is more than depression it my whole essences my brain is broken different. I doing my best but feel helpless. I'm off my depression tablets to find new ones. It's already a hard start to a long journey. I feel alone like no one can understand me. I try so hard too not be like my mum. Her mood swings were awful. I don't want my kids to see me that way but it's happening. I feel lost useless broken unworthy. I don't want to damage my kids. Sometimes even if im trying my best im not strong enough. I have no hope. There is no light at the end of my tunnel. My appointment with hd clinic is the 2nd june. Hopefully a mircle could happen but i highly doubt it. Since i was 16 i have tried so many depression tablets. Hopefully i can male it through the next few months. I hope my relationships will be fine. Its hard for the kids to understand why.

Praying for hd cure

With every family member that comes back with a postive my heart opens and prayers for a cure even more than before and i thought i wanted a cure heaps already. It's strange. It the 1st family member coming from testing for another generation.
My dearly heavenly Father ,
I pray for a hd cure soon. Please help us. Not just for my family but for the whole hd community around the world. Amen.

My biggest dream

My dream. Is to have our own house where i can be taken care of for the rest of mylife and have a stable home for my family. If we had a house tim could take care of me until the end and take care of any of our children that have hd in the future. So they didn't have to worry.
Biggest regret not buying a house when i was 18 when i still could work.
Having a disabled house for the future is so important.

The lion's mouth opens

Just watched the documentary the lion's mouth opens. It reminded of my own testing. I miss mum everyday and feel like i don't know her. I have 4 kids that aren't going to know me. It hurts so bad that i have given my children a 50% chance i having this horrible disease. It doesn't feel like a 50%. It will ruin all the lives around me and there is nothing i can do about it. Huntington's disease is going to kill all my loved ones. I pray that my kids don't have it. I don't care what happens to me. Please god don't let this horrible disease kill my babies. Amen. I'm so scared for the future for me and all my loved ones.

Happy birthday mum

Happy birthday mama i miss you more than words can say. I'll i want is a cuddles for you and to tell you how much I love you. you may not have been a prefect mother but your were prefect to me. I miss you everyday the pain never goes away. Until we are together again know i love you and wish more than anything that you were here in body to see my kids grow and be a wonderful nanny to them.
Always love you. Always in my heart.
Never forgotten love always your daughter.
Xoxoxoxoxoxxooxoxoxoxoxoxooxooxoxox