ruined family dinner

I don't want to live like this anymore. Uncompleted caravan broken car truck in desert. I can't do it any more, my dad depress in denial and cranky, my husband mental breakdown first in 17yrs so cranky, byron doesn't love me or give a shit about  me doesn't connect me, hermione is emotional she always bossy has to have it her way, wyatt smartarse getting tested for adhd. Annabeth is emotional and never listen. They are always fighting telling everyone what to do or not to do. Hitting picking on each other. The last 2 years since byron abandoned us all has been hell on earth. I don't know what to do anymore for all of us. I'm lost keep burning my arm instead of cutting make the feelings go away. I just want to die everyday i have this think. Living in bush with shit health care takes week and money for gp months for specialist. Fuck huntingtons disease. We don't have the money to get out. I wish i could go to sleep and never wake up. Can't even have family dinner without blowing up waste food money adults didn't eat. I'm so over this bullshit. So angry at dad and tim. Fucking hell i sick of the fighting here 

No one understands what im going through my left me and never coming home left and doesn't care about he has a new life now with his aunt. They can give him everything we can't afford. We are just an after thought he has a job got 2 weeks he didn't tell us he still wouldn't had if i did ring him. He doesn't ring us or tell us anything. We don't know what going on in his live .he had a girl who cheated with his best mate he didn't tell us . Im broken and im sick of people telling me how to feel. 

can u spare $5

We live without running hot water shower toilet electricity our 12v fridge can't handle the 50+ degrees heat. Not air conditioning only 12v car fan no heating for freezing winter. Local say we have 3 month of winter 9 month of summer it so hot and not good for sick people.

Could u spare $5 to support colley family 

#suicidal #mentalhealth #huntingtonsdiseaseawareness #familylove #familyismeanttosupporteachother #curehd #life #fuckhd #everyonematters #imnotok #anxiety #depressionisnotajoke 

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lost and broken no one cares

I don't think we will be moving back no money lots of debt, need caravan 

fixed, truck fixed, no moving money no bond or deposit for house i have only sold 7 items all up. My plans not working selling at markets and on Facebook isn't working out. Ive just failed again nothing working. Stupid me thought of i could buy some jewellery sell it make money to move back but not happing that why suck here for 3 years because we couldn't afford to move. I don't know what else I can do.

no hope

I'm so broken i need $1500 for caravan frame needs repairs we can't tow it and nothing I'm doing is helping  youpay said no to my Facebook page Mama Bear Fashion Accessories. 1 brought over 100 jewelry pieces to resell so we could fix caravan and have moving money so we could move back closer to families and hd doctors. I only sold 7 pieces since aug i put prices so low to get people in even have a raffle going still no luck. With my brain disease i can't work hubby my carer. All im went to have a better future for me and my kids something to get up for everyday hope for better futurea chance to change my kids lives. We can't stand it out here in the bush. Nothing to do no support 10hrs away from family. We meant be moving back once school finishes stupid my thought it was going to happen and even enrolled them into school for next year. We don't have caravan money or moving or debt paid enough we can afford a home. I don't know what to do. I'm mentally exhausted and broken i don't out of bed my darkness is bad suicidal thoughts i wish i didn't have. Thanks for the opportunity to hear my thoughts 

fuck huntingtons disease

All i do from time i wake until i go to bed all i do is lay down in bed not doing anything. I don't have room in caravan to do my crafts and always have put them away when kids come home. I lost alot of my craft things in flood. So with the crap i dont bother outside is too hot or dusty. Caravan is hot 9months of year. Freezing the rest. Being bush is horrible without a house or level ground protection for weather. Nothing to do being stuck here 3 years and no hope of leaving this place. Caravan needs thousands of dollars to fix A frame and a few other thing's   before we tow it again. Never-ending loop no money fix caravan no money to move back near family and doctors no money for bond or loan for a new home. Now i broken bone in foot i can't shower or toilet tim has to do sponge bath. All i do it cry i can't keep living this hell but no way out.

no hope

I'm really depressed today no hope no money i have huntingtons disease which is brain disease i have 10 yrs left and need to move back a get a home need the rest of our families but we are to far indebt the bank won't touch us. I need a disability home for our family no rentals to expensive no home where need to go. We live in a caravan out in the bush. No hope for better future. No matter what i try to fix our lives. Im nothing but a failure

Today is the 9th death anniversary for my mum whow had huntingtons disease. She died age 52yrs. Same horrible disease i have..but i forgot about until. 4pm today because I've been busy setting up and organising market stall too sell my jewellery product i been so focused on selling and trying to make ake money for a home. I forget it and now feel so guilty for not doing anything in her memory. I have normal traditions we do every year but not today..we live in a unfinished caravan and in the bush with bush shower. I can't live this any more keep bumping myself hurts or the falls or the hike for bush shower. We are 10hrs away from family and huntingtons disease doctors so we need to raise money to move back. I need a disability home so i want to built one for my needs or find a rental and in the market it hard to find rentals. I need lots of disability support. I tried fund raising but no one donated..so i my home made jewellery no one brought..so i thought i would buy products sell them to.make money didn't sell any on Facebook...tired to do shopify couldn't set it up and google....so organised first markets yesterday 1sale today 1 sale....i feel like a failure over and over and over again fail to be a good mum fail to provide for my kids ...my kids could have this horrible disease too... i failed mum not being there and no i failed her memory.. why because no matter how much i try i never get anywhere..im story for the long post but i thought i would post to u wonderful people...

suicide

I want to make the pain of not having my son anymore.i drove him away he lives with his aunt. I didn't have him as a baby I lost custody of him because docs. I year and a half it took me to win him back. Now February of this I lost him again I'm heartbroken I drove him away with my mental disorders. I just finished a visit I want my son back he was 15,in february.im crying it's so hard to see him have a new life. Without me. I want too pain to stop I want to kill myself to make the pain stop. Tim and the kids are hurt just as me that Byron abandoned us. If I wasn't here Tim and 4kids.would be able too live together without me in picture. Don't have funeral money. They want Tim said on last Saturday when I wanted him to take the kids to balacias party so I can kill myself and not have them find me. Living in a run down caravan not having all my kids is destroying my mental health. Not be able to afford a house to rent or buy not having all my kids is breaking my heart everyday I think about cutting my wrists a few times day. I'm on 3 depression tablets. Since I was 15 I have tried over 30 different types stay on them for months. Nothing works. I just want to end the pain. I can't do this anymore it hurts to breathe no house my eldest boy gone what the point of surviving because this is not living laying in bed all day destructing my brain..I'm going to try and buy and sell.things to make money for a home for the 6of us. I'm already selling homemade goods on my Facebook page. But really what's the point of trying to make money it not going to happen need to raise $50000 for house loan. But not going to happen since I fail at everything I touch which is why I kill myself and make Tim and kids lives better without me 

support

Im trying so hard not ask for help because my family like to not right to ask for help. Im trying to sell items for a home and none are buying i just want support that they can see im trying.