my feels about thr next generation hd free

As a mother of 4 with 50% of having this horrible disease plague me with guilt. It was my fault i passed one hd. I lose my mum 7 years ago for hd age 51. I would everyday if she was going through what i am. Suicidal thought panic attack anxiety attacks. Im never good enough my brain won't studup. I tried to tell my family next generation to get tested and have their babies hd free because the guilt of a mother passing on will come. I wish i did the right thing and had them hd free no matter what, then they would have to go through all the bullshit i go through daily. Im 36 my family dies around 50. Not too much the guilt i would feel if one off my kids had Juvenile Huntington's disease which im always checking for,

hd moodswings

Had to clean my smell camping toilet today since there where really bad. Once they were empty i tired to clean them but because I'm a obese beast i couldn't sit properly i couldn't move the bits to get cleaned i wasn't strong enough. I was getting so angry at myself and putting my self down. I was trying but every minute could to do it so i asked byron for scrubbing brush because i couldn't get up he didn't bring me what I needed so i got up yelled at him got brush. I was angry with myself.  On the way back to the outback bathroom area dad was coming to see what is up. I told him i was angry leave me alone. I want back trying to scrub these stupid toilet. Dad was there i keep telling him to leave but he won't so my angry went from putting myself down to yelling at dad. I even through the stupid toilet i was so frustrated with him not listening to me and leaving like i screamed. He wasn't letting me carm down. The toilet hit the water pump needs new bracket. I was so angry after the 7th time i told him to leave he walks away saying he should call the police and have me commited. He made me feel like such a bad person hurt my feelings so when he left i shut the door layed in the bath tub. Told for ever to carm down enough. Told tim to bring back cigarettes. I so needed one. If he left me the first time i asked i would of went back to cleaning and putting myself down screaming at myself and carmed myself down like normal.  I have fucking Huntington's disease i should be made to feel like a insane person. My brain isn't normal gets smaller every fucking day. Huntington's disease is killing my brain keep that in mind. I have tried over 20 depression tablets none of work for me. Since Australia is so far behind on weed there is nothing i can do.  Moodswings are huge part of my hd. Frustration is high for me everyday with anxiety and panic attacks.

hd suck

Today has been a alfoe day 

I have been screwed inside my head i don't ve on this earth anymore it to hard it hurts so much. Im not worthy to breathe how did Mylife get to point all i do is eat think  about eating. Watch tv play my phone laydown I'm so tired sll tiime  can't sleep well my back hurts after 5 mins of standing or my spurs hurt on both feet under if i sit wrong my tailboon hurts i have headaches all the time stsctic hurts have muscles cramps no motivation panic attacks anxiety can't function properly depression suicide thoughts crying mood swings memory suck can't put full sentence together social phobia skin allergies sinsce allergies im 160kgs and motivation for exercise can't stop eating no control i hate how fat i have become my kids hate it i can't do any for my self cause im so fat i can't even get into bed without problems and screaming im sick of hurting myself i can't have roll over without problems im a big fat pig that do6nothing i don't deserve to breathe im aucj if my kids being shithead towards me. I hate Mylife im so angry with myself i hate myself my kids deserve better than i can give them they would be better off without my they aren't going to remember me properly before hd fucked up my brain. Im sick of medication not working no matter how many i try non help. Government has fucked up pain meds scripts so i can't even get my normal even my meds for gord i just want to give up let my kids have a better life without me

my CAG

HD Sex link important subject

https://www.help4hd.org/post/hypersexuality-and-huntington-s-disease

HD awareness

no control no respect

We live in a world where our children think its ok to hit a parent and have no control to stop them. My son will be next he gets so mad at me. I'm only going to get worst. Hd has ruined my familes lives. It not right

hd awareness

What happens when you don't want help or want to get tested .

You burn everything around you

Changing my depression tablets

My depression tablets are slowing getting out of my system ready for my hd appointment. I feel crappy with how im talking to my family. For 2 years they haven't worked now im finally got courage to changed. It sucks yelling

hugs for all those who need it

To all my HD family and friends. My thoughts are with you and your family though the terrible stages of hd. Too all the  stubborn people remember they care for you. Too all the hd families out there that hd is tearing your family apart. Too all people who have a chance of having hd but won't get tested or help yourselves, you are hurting those around you who only want to help. Too all of you who need a hug a kiss to fill nurtured and loved you are. Thinking of you all. Hd is fucking horrible disease  to be around. I remember mum so clearly pysco attack would come on so fast throw things. I didn't want to be like that. I'm aware of my bad side thats why im on depression tablets. My kids are the world to me the reason i get up everyday. My air soul. I will do what i can for them. #curehuntingtonsdieaseawareness 

#thumbsup4hd #huntingtondisease #awareness #CUREHDJHD 

To all the carers of their hd patients hugs thinking of you all. Love and support