my feels about thr next generation hd free

As a mother of 4 with 50% of having this horrible disease plague me with guilt. It was my fault i passed one hd. I lose my mum 7 years ago for hd age 51. I would everyday if she was going through what i am. Suicidal thought panic attack anxiety attacks. Im never good enough my brain won't studup. I tried to tell my family next generation to get tested and have their babies hd free because the guilt of a mother passing on will come. I wish i did the right thing and had them hd free no matter what, then they would have to go through all the bullshit i go through daily. Im 36 my family dies around 50. Not too much the guilt i would feel if one off my kids had Juvenile Huntington's disease which im always checking for,