funeral details

Funeral details 

i want to be cremated my ashes divided between my kids tim dad siblings grandma

Cremate me cheap 

have a wake to celebrate mylife and remember I'm finally in peace. I can finally be with mum again. 

Songs wind beneath my wings 

Pink is my favourite colour so wear if you want

Food drinks music .

Put my photo in day of dead book write story about me so my kids can know me before hd.

I'm sorry your going to be celebrating my dead instead of my 40th which i didn't want to celebrate without my 4 kids siblings family like it should be. 

I love you all until the day after tomorrow love always jay 

huntingtons disease Australia mental health breakdown

https://youtube.com/watch?v=LMCDNAsFdbg&si=BmZBWCLcFwJRn8sh

death wish

To my family when i kill myself please help tim play for my cremation we don't have money for it unfortunately we were meant to get funeral or life insurance but we couldn't afford it. I'm sorry i failed you all i just couldn't live thie life anymore with no support. It's so hard and unfortunately tim kids are never getting out of this shit hole. When i die please take care of dad get him out of this fucking bush he can't live here forever and has no money to change it. Im sorry i left Toowoomba i should have never travelled and to see Australia but i did see a little before we got suck in sapphire because of dad hips coivd. There is no privacy in caravan no cooling either hot sand or wet mud bush shower spiders snakes never ending problems i couldn't live anymore i can't take another day without my son and the thought of never leaving everytime we try to leave something breaks than takes months to years to fix with little money  i don't want to be alone without you all and all of my children for my 40th tim 3 kids will be fine byron doesn't give a shit about me im sorry im not the warrior that should be i will be first to die i can't wait to be with mum again without pain everyday im in pain physically and mental health so im going to be with all our the love ones again. I love you all until the day after tomorrow. Until we all together again. Please take care of each other siblings are meant to be your built in bedt friends is ok to fight it about of life but so it forgiveness moving on we all suffering from huntingtons disease remember 

Family is everything i leanrt that from mum be there no matter what 

Love always jay xoxoxo 

Sorry i wasn't stronger 

im done i don't want to be on earth anymore

Im done i try talk too my kids they don't listen they hell back always think they right they don't need my i been holding on for them but they don't need me im over living so  far away from family and medical help. I'm rotting need help but bush has none for huntingtons disease or ndis no support im done living in this nightmare something else broken car truck caravan batteries so we don't even have a fridge that works after generator's gets turned off. Im done living without my eldest son and the consequence him abandoning us and not looking back all us have to live without him and not talking to him because weren't not important to him all because his aunt nanna put ideas in head and wouldn't quit about moving im over the damage to my husband because of them all and their fucking ideas

I'm done he missed his sister 16th bday didn't ring were missing his 18th because he fucking lives 10hrs away don't have 1000 for fuel food he going miss my 40th birthday  because he can't afford to come we can't afford to go down. My 40th was supposed to be filled with all my kids my siblings and all my family the people i never see anymore

I'm going to kill myself before my 40th i can't think about spending the day with only 3 of my kids tim dad in lunch filled with food in the discussing mud dirt no where for my harry potter things because this season been so wet and we don't have tarp up only 2 gazebos filled with holes no way to spend time out there no wind protection nothing to keep elements off table area we should be at pub with all my kids all my family enjoying each other company food and my harry potter things we should be together like mum 40th. I can't believe my so never coming home and we are stuck out on the fucking qld bush with no support everytime something breaks we fix long time than something else break again the cycle won't fix than we have dad suck too because his bus doesn't go he can't fix or have money everything he needs money for to fix

I don't want to make it too my 40th bday so im going to kill myself within 2 weeks properly when kids are back at school so they don't see it

I can't live this live anymore everyday i think about killing myself i can't handle my head and heart anymore i failed my kids and my husband who going to struggle financially more without me i don't even think my kids with care or byron show  up for my funeral they will hurt but will live there lives fine