hd fucking sucks

My brain is screaming inside my head. I can't take living in ran down caravan which will never be completed. My car needs work she stuffed from pulling caravan for 4 years. Our new truck needs work to make it legal couple of grand yo fix all problems. I can't handle being out bush it's either too hot or muddy rain. I can't handle all the dirt that comes inside. Whither it's outside or inside its everywhere. I hate bush showers it's not nice too shower in dirty muddy dirt shower. It does my head in most days i don't want to shower and have a bush shower makes my head yelling crying i can't take this anymore. We can't move in house no bond rent to high not enough houses for rent around Toowoomba area. And we don't have a deposit for aboriginal house loan. Most days i just want to kill myself the madness in my head is winning. 

living in a caravan stuck in the middle of qld bush

I can't handle living in middle of bush with mud showers caravan that need work. The 27th ft isn't nearly finished it complete crap a mix so many things need fixing plus we keeping find different mess the last owner did. We just do have money. We don't have shower toliet hot water. Everything lookd shit cause need to fix most of timber. 3 yrs we have bèen travelling qld but when covid hit we were in sapphire fossicking we used all our money getting there and couldn't afford caravan park so we asked the owner on the private property if we could caretake the property. Dad went to dr about his hips they both needed replacing, we were told a year but he has been on rockhampton hospital waiting list since last yr i took h to rocky to see the doctor 1st hip will be done then he gets 6 months check up if that goes well the 1 yr they will do the 2nd hip. We still waiting. Because of covid the crappy hospital are even more crappy. Never-ending cycle. We are stuck here waiting. My depression ocd anxiety panic attacks are so out of control i have suicidal thoughts i can't handle the mess we live in it's ether sricky hot in 40 to 50 degrees or wet flooding mud. I have to walk to our bush shower in the mud i don't want to shower it's too had in my brian i even had to cut my really long hair because it wasn't getting brushed. All i do is stay in bed all day and watch tv and be on my phone because i can't handle the mess i just try to get through the day. Im not living or surviving.  We are trying to move closer to our families on Toowoomba but we can't afford rent or get a house. My eldest son was driven away by me  he started living with his aunt in Toowoomba because he said finding a job would be better in big city. But we were back tim told me that ksbyron said if it wasn't for tim byron would of left me ages ago. It breaks my heart. It still hurts all i want to be down closer to our families which both are from Toowoomba. So we can have a stable home have somewhere to park the caravan and fix it right up which would be easier if we don't have to live in while foxing it. We heard about aboriginal home loans but since we don't have deposit they haven't connected us. We didn't know we could apply. All we need is a really sml precentes . If we buy a home with the loan we could have a stable loving home and our son byron would come home. I even started a fundraising platform but nothing happrnrd. I can't live in a caravan full-time any more i need room for my disability aids i need my own bed tim could sleep in his own because iall i do is talk hit kick. I need a area to be when im sick all night and keep waking tim. I need a home with a working hot water toilet because I have dirrehea and vomiting alot from my food allergies. I need a door on my room so i can block out all the noice of kids and pets. I need area that is different from my bed to sit on. I can't handle mentally in caravan my suicidal thought are really bad. Weither its the caravan or my car or our truck something breaks. Have been so old. I need a hous4 with sound of the genie noice. All i want is home with all my kids. And tim to live out my life and let tim grow old in where our grandchildren will come over. Not much but if i don't get it soon im afraid ill kill myself. Im 38 now i will died age 50 like the rest of my hd family members. Fucking Huntington's disease is horrible thing to have.

my hair i had to cut was long but i couldn't look after anymorei will alwayss miss my hair it was my identity my whole life and my sould is broken

dream to win a home

Want too win so badly i have a brains disease callef Huntington's disease we live in a caravan full-time in thr middle of the bush sapphire qld. Can't handle being in it anymore need a home that i can have disability aids. Need a stable home for our family of 6 near Brisbane for doctors and Toowoomba for all our families. I love sunshine coast. But rental markets are why we can more back closer to doctors. I brought 30tickets for my birthday to win this is all i wanted to chance to make my dream come true to make a difference for my kids futures. Fingers crossed prayers done.