Tuesday, May 07, 2013

Mum visit and How much I need to her

I went out to see mum today and she had a good day. I talked to her and she didn't talk like always. It was good to talk to someone about some issues, even if she didn't understand. It was good to get those issue off my chest. I love mum so much. She is like bones i could feel her spine when i was rubbing her back. It was good to feed mum today only a little mess lol. It was weird out there today all this people saying hello to mum and their face were of shock. I guess because she doesn't have enough visitors. I haven't seen these ones today, i guess people visit on different days. My visit aren't on certain days. But everyone loves her and have warm greetings towards her. It's was good talking to her I told her what was going on and about my story and getting published, but who know if she understood it all. She tried to smile a one of my comments which was strange but mostly I talked and she moved around. She had trouble staying on the couch today and I was worried about her falling off her bed. We talked about mothers day and what she wanted and just as I was about to say chocolate she said 'chocalate'. Mum has such a sweet tooth and I miss watching her eat her chocolate. She more like sucks it now. I know this is weird but I really just want her to say 'I'm proud of you'. I know it will never happen because she doesn't understand and can't talk but I wish with all my might she could. I think wonder if my kids are going to say/need/want the same from me. So I'm going to leave them a letter for each of my kids, so when they need me and I can't be there for them. The letter will be there for them and say everything they need to hear. Just like the other things I will have for them like the necklace with 'Always in your heart' and the bracelet with ' I will be watching over you'. 1 for their wedding day and 1 for when i die. Tim and I have been talking about it for a while. I want me kids to know that I always there for them even when I can't be. I will be watching over them in heaven.

Anyway I can't stop my kids having HD but I can prepare them for whats to come.
I love my kids with all my heart and I know mum loved us.